Crazy Christmas Joke

Every year, Grandma and her grandkids, Suzy, Jill, and Billy come stay with her over Christmas. And every Christmas Eve they would make a big bowl of cookie dough so they could make cookies on Christmas Day. And every time, the next morning the cookie dough would be gone. The grandma could never catch them, so this year she put metal bb's in the cookie dough. The next morning, the cookie dough was gone and soon Suzy came running downstairs.

''Grandma, I went to the bathroom to pee and bb's came out.''

"Suzy," Grandma said. "I know you've been eating cookie dough. Sit down." Then Jill came down and said ''Grandma, I went poo and there were bb's in it.''

"Jill, I know you've been eating cookie dough. Sit down." About five minutes later little Billy came.

''Grandma something terrible has happened, I was jerking off in the garage and I shot the cat!''

Inner Space Caverns

Saturday we went to the second largest cave system in the US. It was named Inner Space since it was believed that certain rooms mirrored the supposed appearance of the moon. The caverns were discovered in 1963 during the construction of I-35. Some construction workers were taking core samples when the drill bit disappeared into the ground. One of the men went down after it and discovered a large cavern with under ground pools and the fossilized remains of prehistoric animals. It's worth checking out, so the next time you're in Georgetown, Texas go have a look-see.

Another Blonde Joke

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.

She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

Spinster Sister

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had an open-heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital. As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he would like to pay for his treatment.

She asked if he had health insurance. He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked if he had money in the bank. He replied, "No money in the bank."

The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?" He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."

The patient replied, "Well, then send the bill to my brother-in-law."

A thief and a knife

We've been in this house for a little over a month. Last night we had our first major incident. Other than Thanksgiving, that is, which was an undertaking unto itself. Six days of preparation for one day eating. I'm not sure if it was worth it, but it sure tasted good. Even after giving half the leftovers to Beverly, five days later my fridge is still stuffed to the hypothetical rafters. Oh well, at least all the dishes are put away.

In any case, on to my story. Our house had an alarm system installed when we moved in. It makes a beeping noise when the doors or windows are opened. It's horribly annoying, but at least I always know when James is coming or going. Last night around 1:30am our alarm system made that lovely beeping noise I've come to know so well. I startled awake and shoved an elbow into James. He exploded out of bed and started yelling at whoever was in the house. I looked to see what time it was and discovered that the power had gone out while we were sleeping. Don't you just hate that stupid blinking 12:00 on the clock when the power goes out?? I do. As it turns out, when the power goes off the alarm system resets and beeps. Tre annoying.

I imparted this knowledge to James who responded that he had heard noises downstairs and went to look, and to reset the alarm so it didn't beep anymore. He opened every door, checked the yard, and looked in all the closets. He didn't find anything but, to my surprise, he came back with a big kitchen knife and stashed it in the nightstand. We went back to bed, but five minutes later the beeping started up again. James grabbed his knife and went running downstairs but he found nothing, of course. Turns out he just didn't reset the alarm properly.

Craziness.