Rissotto alla Milanese

--taken from italiannotebook.com




Sautee one small onion (and, for the purists and anyone who scoffs at BSE coming between them and a proper plate of risotto, a few tablespoons of beef bone marrow) in a hearty plug of butter first.

- Then add a pound of risotto rice (for purists, semifino vialone nano), and heat well, stirring for 2-3 minutes.

- Add half a glass of white wine, and toss until wine evaporates.

- Then add three ladles of already boiling beef broth, stir once, and let sit on medium-low flame without stirring until next ladle is needed (broth both evaporates and is slowly absorbed by rice).

- Half-way through, "melt" a pinch of saffron in a ladle-full of boiling broth, and add to the risotto.

- Turn off flame when the rice is "al dente" and the risotto "all'onda", (literally, "it stays to the wave". Right. Ask a Milanese and you'll get a metaphysical disquisition about rice acquiescing harmoniously when subjected to energetic forces imparted to it by a wave. Basically, just think rice with a California, go-with-the-flow, surfer-like attitude). Roughly, it needs to woggle as opposed to remain immobile when you wobble the pan. (Woggle and wobble both being very scientific terms.) I.e., it should still be liquid enough.

- Add another plug of butter and some parmiggiano, and stir for 30 seconds.

- Let sit for a minute, then serve.

Free Ride

A farmer took the camper off his truck before going to town.

As he was going down the road five Blondes were standing beside the road hitchhiking.

The farmer picked them up, one blonde got in the front and the other four blondes got in the back.

As they were going over the hill the brakes went out on the truck.

The farmer couldn’t stop the truck and they went into the pond at the bottom.

The farmer and the blonde that were up front come up out of the water a minute later.

They kept waiting for others in the back to come up.

The farmer said, “I wonder where they are?”

The blonde said, “May be they drowned.”

About five minutes later they come up gasping for breath. The farmer asked, “What the Hell took you so long?”

The four blondes said, “We had a devil of a time getting that fucking tailgate open!"

A Matter of Choice

A preacher was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.

The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely attacked by a dozen sleazy women than let liquor touch my lips."

The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice.”

Blonde Joke.

A blonde with two burnt ears went to the doctor, who asked what had happened.

"The phone rang, and I accidentally picked up the iron."

"What about the other one?"

"They called back."

Walks Into a Bar.

A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."

The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.

The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"

The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

Chicken With Broccoli and Bamboo Shoots

Ingredients
1 pound broccoli -- use fresh broccoli for best results
2 teaspoons cornstarch
2 teaspoons Chinese rice wine or dry sherry
1 pound skinless boneless chicken breast, cut into 3⁄4-inch cubes
3 tablespoons dark soy sauce
3 tablespoons hoisin sauce
11⁄2 teaspoons sugar
4 tablespoons canola oil
2 slices unpeeled fresh ginger
1 garlic clove, crushed with the side of a knife and peeled
1 (8-ounce) can sliced bamboo shoots, drained
1 teaspoon sesame oil

Preparation
Trim and peel the broccoli stalks. Chop the flower heads from the stalks and cut into florets. Slice the peeled stalks into bite-size pieces.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the cornstarch and wine. Add the chicken and mix well.

In a small bowl, whisk together the soy sauce, hoisin sauce, sugar, and 2 tablespoons water.

In a wok or stir-fry pan, heat 1 tablespoon of the canola oil over high heat until hot but not smoking. Test by dipping a piece of broccoli in the oil; it should sizzle. Add the broccoli and cook, stirring, for about 30 seconds. Stir in 3 tablespoons water, reduce the heat to medium, and cover the pan. Continue cooking, stirring occasionally, until the broccoli turns a darker green and is tender-crisp, 2 to 3 minutes. Transfer to a shallow dish.

Add the remaining 3 tablespoons of canola oil to the same pan and place over high heat. Add the ginger and garlic and stir until the oil is hot and the ginger and garlic sizzle. Stir up the chicken mixture and add it to the pan. Cook, stirring, until the chicken turns white, 1 to 2 minutes. Remove and discard the ginger and garlic, if desired. Reduce the heat to medium and stir in the soy sauce mixture. Add the bamboo shoots, return the broccoli to the pan, and cook, stirring constantly, until all the ingredients are heated and well blended and the chicken is cooked through. Drizzle with sesame oil and mix well. Serve immediately.

Funny Bush Joke

The Secretary of Defense is briefing President Bush on Iraq. "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"Oh no!" exclaims the president, "That's terrible!"

His staff is stunned at this unprecedented display of emotion, watching as Bush sits, head in hands.

Finally, he looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

Ebi to Broccoli "Gratin"

Ingredients:
White Sauce:
4 tablespoons unsalted butter
6 tablespoons all-purpose flour
2 cups whole milk
Pinch of salt
1/4 cup finely shredded mild white cheese such as Monterey Jack

1/2 pound small shrimp, peeled
1/4 cup white wine
1 tablespoon, unsalted butter
1/2 yellow onion, minced
1 cup small broccoli florets
1/2 teaspoon minced garlic
Pinch of salt
Pinch of ground pepper
2 cups cooked elbow macaroni, warm or at room temperature

Topping:
1 cup finely shredded mild white cheese such as Monterey Jack
2 tablespoons panko or plain bread crumbs
1 tablespoon unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley

Directions:
Preheat the oven to 350°F. Butter an 8-inch square (5-cup) flameproof baking dish.

To make the white sauce, in a small saucepan, melt the 4 tablespoons butter over medium heat. When the butter is foaming, add the flour in small increments and stir constantly to create a smooth paste, about 3 minutes. Do not allow it to color. Slowly add the milk to the flour mixture, stirring constantly to prevent lumps from forming. Then cook, stirring constantly, until the sauce thickly coats the back of a spoon, 5 to 7 minutes. Add the salt and the 1/4 cup cheese, stir to melt the cheese, remove from the heat, keep warm.

In a small bowl, combine the shrimp and wine and let stand at room temperature for 10 minutes. In a frying pan, melt the 1 tablespoon butter over medium heat. When the butter is foaming, add the onion and cook, stirring often, until translucent, 4 to 5 minutes. Add the broccoli and the shrimp and wine and stir to coat with the onion. Add the garlic, salt, and pepper and cook, stirring occasionally, until the shrimp turn pink and are just cooked through, 3 to 5 minutes. Remove from the heat and drain any liquid from the pan into a 2-cup glass measuring cup. Set the shrimp-and-broccoli mixture aside. Add enough of the white sauce to the measuring cup to total 2 cups. (This recipe may make more white sauce than you need. Leftover sauce can be stored flat in a freezer bag and used to thicken soups or stews, or to enrich macaroni and cheese.)

Put the cooked macaroni in the prepared baking dish. Spread the shrimp mixture evenly over the macaroni, and then pour the sauce evenly over the top so that the macaroni and shrimp mixture are evenly covered. Sprinkle the 1 cup cheese and then the panko evenly over the sauce and dot with the butter pieces.

Bake the gratin until the sauce is bubbling and the cheese has melted, 10 to 12 minutes. Turn the oven dial to broil, place the baking dish about 4 inches from the heat source, and broil until the top browns lightly, 1 to 2 minutes. Watch carefully to avoid burning.

Remove from the broiler, sprinkle with the parsley, and serve hot directly from the dish.

Excerpted from Let's Cook Japanese Food! by Amy Kaneko with permission from Chronicle Books © 2007. Photography by Deborah Ory.